You may have heard of her from youtube, you may have heard of her from pinterest, you may have heard of her from her book. I don’t know. But I have to talk about this to someone. For those of you who don’t know her (I didn’t know about her until a few months ago and just the past few days have actually gone into what she’s doing and who she is), Katie is one of the most surrendered people I know of. At eighteen, she went on a missions trip, and she had all that the world considered good, actually great (homecoming queen, top of her class). And then, when she returned home about a year later, she decided to go back to Uganda to mother and then adopt (you have to be twenty five to legally adopt there) originally I think ten children. That soon turned into thirteen, and I think now she has fourteen.
Wow. I am not even a mother, and I think that is fantastically and utterly insane. In the good way. In the great way. She is doing what God has called her to do, and trusts in Him, and it radiates out of her writing, her work, and the way she interacts with people. It’s awesome.
I think that is really cool. At first glance though, actually at a lot of glances, I was not as moved by it as I am now. Some part of me just wanted to turn away and look at what the world says is important at the moment. For the longest time I did. And it’s killing me now, feeling the way I have been these past few days, to think that I did. I could not go to sleep last night because I could feel my heart just beating out of my chest for these people.
Seriously. I am in a frenzy just at the thought that I am halfway around the world, worrying about my own stuff and how ‘important’ it is, while there are millions of people starving and dying in another country. To be honest, it makes me feel ashamed. Ashamed that I walked by and didn’t choose to care. Ashamed that I didn’t immediately see these people and have my heart break for them. Ashamed that I’m over here with my little world and my little worries about things that don’t matter when there’s poverty and sickness and disease over there that I choose not to care about.
I feel so selfish. If you have anxiety, please don’t think I’m calling you selfish. I’m not. I understand. But I also know how to extinguish that fear.
There is something that all of us were created to do. And I think that once we find it, once we start to help people with it and focus on other’s needs rather than our wants or our comforts, it changes us. I’m not saying that we won’t ever worry or that people who are anxious are selfish. I don’t think you are. But I’ve noticed that when that irrational cloud hits, and takes over, the thing that pulls me out of it is caring for others or thinking about something that I can do to fill a need. I don’t know if it’s like that for everyone, I cannot say that, but I think that I step more boldly when I put the need over fear and when the need is greater than the fear the fear is no longer crippling to me.
I felt it last night and I’ve been feeling it all day today. This restlessness. But not like my typical restlessness. I know what I need to do with it. I feel convicted to do something about those kids and those people. I’ve had the recurring thought. I have to do something.
I have to. Those kids and people need someone. And I feel like I have to help them, or else it’ll keep hammering into my head. It keeps being there. It keeps saying, “Come. Do something about this.”
I don’t know if you’ve got that too. Maybe you do or maybe you don’t. But you do have a purpose. A need to fill. Go do something today, even if you don’t know what that need is. Just go and help people, help guide lost sheep, and you will find it.
*Katie’s book is called Kisses From Katie, please spread the news about her and her movement: Amazima Ministries